First Surgery

Well, we’re anticipating our first surgery…but not for Alayna.  About a week and a half ago we brought Jessica do the doctor again and hear the all-familiar results: she had another ear infection.  Unlike her last ear infection which had a clear cause (a cold caught from her bestest friend Joe) this one had no certain trigger and it was really bad and in both ears.  We have made a valiant effort to avoid tubes, but it’s time.  Everyone says it’s a great decision and that wonderful things will come out of it (like no more horrible days listening to her cry all day because her ears hurt), but any surgery is scary for both the kiddo and the parents.  On September 6th I get to see how they get a two year old to get and keep in an IV, be put under, and then see if she handles the anesthesia as well as her dad always did when he got tubes (he was apparently really sick afterwards every time).  I can’t even image how I’ll feel as she gets wheeled away for her ‘simple’ operation.  I don’t even want to think about it…but of course I do and of course it just triggers all the emotions of what we will most likely go through with Alayna at some point.  I would say that I’m not cut out for this, but I know I am.  After years and years of begging God for children, month after agonizing month of not being pregnant, my emotional well-being has been put through the ringer more than I’ve ever thought I could bear.  Through it all, it is these moments that I have wished for, albeit indirectly.  These hard moments as a mother when all I wish is that I could take away the pain, to keep my child innocent of all hurts, but to watch that child struggle and grow and learn and become better, wiser, and more ready for their life ahead.  Yes, I have begged to be a mother and that’s what mother’s do – not take away the pain as we would like, but love and comfort our children through it.  We help them as they transition from innocent children to adults.  This is what I signed up for.  Because the hard times do come, whether it’s a child’s first ‘real’ injury, the fear of the dark, another ear infection, or something as big as a looming potential open heart surgery.  I had no illusions of motherhood being easy.  I take and cherish the good and the bad.  I thank God for the privilege of helping my two little girls grow up through all of the good and bad experiences along the way.  A little melodramatic for a simple little routine surgery?  Maybe.  Perhaps I’m just permanently changed by all of our struggles to get to this point.  That’s ok with me.

In other news, Alayna’s next cardiology appointment will be the 4th of September.  I plan to ask about her sleeping so much (she sleeps 12 hours overnight with one feeding in between and then is up for an hour and down for two pretty much all day).  I’m not concerned as much about it as I am curious if that’s common for children with CCTGA.  Maybe she’s just extra sleepy because she’s just extra sleepy and I should enjoy it while it lasts. 🙂